We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
there's paper in my vomit.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
