he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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