pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
