what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
