Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
