Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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