I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
NoShamevember. You game?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
