Small penises have feelings too.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
