someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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