I can tuck mytits in my pants
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
