You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
