Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
