problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
