He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
