dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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