I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
