Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
