Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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