He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
