I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
