I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
