dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
