Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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