Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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