We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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