One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just cut my nipple shaving
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
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