grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
