ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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