Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
