I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
