I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
