ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
