Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
