Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
