Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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