Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize