So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
