he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you didnt know i had herpes?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
