One girl and one boy is just not enough.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
