grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
