we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she pinky promised me she was 18
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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