I have demons in me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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