She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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