dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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