I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
