Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
