Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
