i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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