I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
