Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My feet surprised me
Randomize