$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
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Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
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You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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