I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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