tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
