There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
