worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
