I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Randomize
