I wish my penis had an off switch
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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