His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
