They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im six kinds of drunk right now
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
