brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
