I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
