Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
