she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
