I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
