I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
