She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
