Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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