cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
