Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
