Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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