the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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